I’ll start by saying I miss all you readers! We’ve all been neglecting our blogs and it happens. Life does get in the way. But I want all of you to know that I miss being apart of your lives and I hope all is well.

It’s been awhile since I’ve last updated and of course, a lot has changed. Some good, some not so good. Here’s what I’ve been up to:

–In my annual evaluation at work, I got a score of unsatisfactory. Management is giving me 30 days to “drastically improve my performance” or risk disciplinary action including termination. I’m only a little bit surprised, but not at all caught off guard. I’m in the process of looking for another job and I have an interview this week (wish me luck)! I’m going to do my best to improve here so that I can buy myself a little more time in finding another job.

–I’ve managed to rack up $1000 worth of debt on the corporate CC. Kind of funny (not ha ha), since this time last year, I racked up the same amount on it after I crashed my car. Only this time, I don’t have a check from the insurance company to pay it off. My boss caught on to my antics and asked me about a few charges. I got off with a warning not to use the card inappropriately again. I’ve got something like 20 days to pay the balance off or risk the account being suspended and being reported to the credit bureau.

–Speaking of money, I’ve got a couple of expenses to take care of and no money with which to do it! Its going to take a miracle for me to get everything squared away without causing too much more damage. I quit my second job a few weeks back. Yeah, I could use the extra money but, I just cannot continue to keep working there, mainly because…

–I’m moving back home! Yes, yes. After just a year on my own, I’m going back home. I really need to get my finances in order and I can’t do that while paying rent. Plus, if I am going to get fired, I don’t want to have to wrorry about how I’m going to pay rent. That and, I want to find a new job in NYC. I’m done with New Jersey.

–Brandon and I are still together and going strong. I’m really happy with him. We hit a bit of a snag the other day, but what couple doesn’t have misunderstandings every now and again? We’re good. I’m happy. That’s all that matters.

–I ran into my ex over the weekend. Actually, we’ve had a couple of interactions in the last few weeks. That’s what inspired me to revisit this blog. I’m walking down [bad] memory lane and reminding myself not to go there again. Not that I would ever do anything to hurt Brandon. Last week, my ex sent me a few drunk texts. After we made some small talk, he said, “if you need someone to fuck, text me”. I was upset! Not going to lie, I was excited to hear from him, thinking “a drunk tongue speaks a sober mind. But on that note, is that the only way you think of me? Over the weekend that passed, we were all at a bar for male BFFs birthday. Brandon came with me and my ex was all over some girl. It seemed that no matter where I turned, they were together. She’s the friend of a classmate. I didn;t even know they knew each other! I was sad, of course, and I felt really bad that I felt that way, especially with Brandon present. My ex didn’t speak to me. Wouldn’t even make eye contact with me. I guess he forgot that he texted me just last weekend trying to come to my place *rolls eyes*. At the end of the night, I sent him a text saying, “why do you have to act like that”? He didn’t respond until hours later saying, “who’s this”? Apparently he lost all his contacts. I didn’t respond. I guess that’s really the end of that. :-\

–No. I’m not sure how I feel about that. I don’t exactly miss him. but I still wish things didn’t turn out this way with us.

–I’m still fat. Getting in shape is still one of my priorities. I just haven’t met it yet. Now that I’m moving back home, I can probably afford some dance classes or maybe even a trainer. I’m going to try to take a dance class with a friend over the weekend. I’m actually looking forward to it.

–Speaking of getting active, I’ve begun the process of reactivating my memberships in a few organizations. It will be nice to meet new people and to have something to do with my free time (not like I’m anticipating having much of it). Overall, I’m excited about that area of my life.

–I need to get back in the habit of blogging. I’m almost vertain I’m going to create a new blog. If you’re still interested in keeping up with me, leave a comment here and I’ll post a link to the new blog. If no one comments, I’ll just start over as a stranger somewhere else.

It was nice catching up! If any readers are still reading, send me links to your new blogs or leave a comment letting me know what’s up with you!

For starters, Happy New Year! What a difference a year makes! I still have my resolutions from last year up and even though I haven’t achieved all of them, 2010 wasn’t a total failure. For the most part, I’m keeping the same goals going into 2011.

Everything is going well. My relationship is perfect. My finances, eh. I’m working on them. I’m also working on liking my job, or at least getting really good at pretending. I’ve decided that this was the year I am going to get serious about transitioning back to the communications industry, specifically PR. I’ve started a blog deicated to practicing my writing (wannabetheblog.blogspot.com) and a Twitter account to network with industry insiders (@shewantstotweet). I’d love your support!

Can’t think of anything else right now. I’ve been keeping up with everyone’s blog and it seems as though life has gotten in the way for all of us. Hope 2011 allows us more time to get everything done. I so enjoy having you readers apart of my life and being apart of yours.

Toodles!

Girl, who taught you to wind like dat?
I never know you coulda wind like dat!

I wound my hips faster, then slower, then down to the ground and then back up again. I was sure that he was singing to me.

To my left, my girl friend performed a similar routine, eyes closed, lost in the rhythm. To my right, another girl friend danced with a partner, oblivious to the surrounding crowd.

The DJ interrupted with a new pulsing beat, indicating he would be playing the next selection shortly, and was greeted with a roaring scream of approval from the crowd. Hands went in the air, waving flags representing every island of the Caribbean; the vibrant red flag of Trinidad, the alluring blue flag of Barbados and the bold green flag of my family’s beloved Jamaica were among them.

I jumped and waved my flag as the song instructed. My friends followed suit. We grinned at each other, our way of communicating that we were having the time of our lives. We knew that we couldn’t compete with the loud music, nor were we too keen to stop dancing even for a second so that we might catch our breath long enough to speak to each other.

We danced in the streets of Brooklyn, waving at onlookers who waved their own flags back at us and danced along to the music. The sun beamed down at us, reminiscent of the warm rays back on our respective islands. It made our skin glitter and made the already bright costumes sparkle.

I remembered coming to the West Indian Parade as a child. I would sit on the curb in front of my mother, amazed by all of the activity. I remembered the first time I had worn my very own costume and danced along with the other children with Caribbean heritage. At twenty-three, I thought I had outgrown such an event. The crowd, the noise, the mess—ugh! How could I have ever enjoyed such a thing?

Day turned into night, but the celebration wore on. My friends and I danced on, though we were exhausted. I posed for a picture, and then stopped to admire it. My skin glowed as if I had been playing on the beach all afternoon and my smile was bright enough to make the August sun in Jamaica jealous.

I started to dance again. My feet throbbed and my back ached, but they allowed me to keep up with a distant beat. Where was that music coming from? The volume was increasing, yet my friends weren’t dancing with me.

I tried to listen closely, but I couldn’t hear it. I felt it. The music was coming from within.

As my heart pumped a familiar tune, my feet danced along and my smile widened. I closed my eyes and savored the moment. I was alive.

Each day, I doubt myself. Ever since I was young, I wanted to be a writer. I even won an award in the 5th grade for my writing. Actually, I’ve always received plenty of awards and praise for my writing. I’m no Zora Neale Hurston, but I can tell a story.

Every day, I want to write. I want to share. But, something stops me. I doubt my words. I doubt my talent. All I have is my passion, which is undoubtable.

I can eliminate the doubt. I can—how the kids used to say—“just do it”. I can stop worrying about perfection, stop worrying whether the readers will enjoy, stop worrying whether there are readers at all.

But will I? I doubt that.

If I could sum up 2010 in one word, it would be overwhelming. After slipping into a dormant state since graduating from college a mere six months prior to the beginning of the New Year, life kicked into high gear. I kicked the year off with an entry-level position at a Fortune 500 Company and a brand new car. Shortly after that, I moved out of my childhood home and into a cozy apartment more than twenty miles away. It was all very exciting until the harsh realities, and high cost, of adulthood set in.

I had a hard time adjusting to adulthood. I saw many of the comforts that I took for granted, like a home cooked meal, cable television and extra pocket money disappear. I was constantly debating with myself; should I buy a new outfit for the party this weekend or should I finally pay my electric bill? Should I spent forty dollars on dinner and drinks with my friends tonight or should I spend forty dollars at the grocery store so that I will have enough food to last until my next paycheck? I didn’t always make the right choice and often found myself drowning with worry without the financial safety net of my parents or a healthy savings account.

Adding to my stress was another failed relationship. I had allowed myself to be taken advantage of by a man whose outward beauty was a stark contrast to his ugly personality. As hard a lesson as it was to learn, it was equally hard for me to let him go. Now that I’m in a new, much healthier and much happier relationship, I find myself a little overwhelmed with the idea that at twenty-three, our premature conversations about marriage could very well become a reality sooner than later.

One year from now, in 2011, I would like to describe the year as comfortable. Within the year, I will have fallen into a comfortable routine: scheduling my days so that I may learn to manage my time better, budgeting my finances so that I may avoid the pinch of an overextended budget and growing into my relationship so that I can truly enjoy myself and him, because we deserve all the best that we have to offer to each other.

I should clarify that by comfortable, I do not mean boring! I want to be comfortable enough to make plans with or without the company of my friends. I want to be comfortable enough to break old habits and start new trends. I want to be as comfortable in a pair of high heels as I am in my favorite pair of sweatpants.

Sweatpants. Yeah, that’s my kind of comfortable.

Your turn!

I encourage everyone to join this challenge and to tell a friend! It’s a great opportunity to reflect on the past year and to focus on the year ahead. Says one participant:

From my own experience, this challenge is one of the most rewarding things I’ve done all year and the benefits are manifold. You will not regret it, and you very likely will be blown away. – Emma James, Pleasure Notes

Happy blogging!

Oh. Regarding the second job, I know I said I was going to quit after Christmas, but I think I will try to ride it out while I save money/pay off debts. This year, I’m very serious about paying off at least half of my total debt and I’m going to need all the extra help I can get!

Things are going really well with the boyfriend. Today is our one month anniversary. Normally, a month isn’t that big of a deal to me, but he said that it should be. So we’re celebrating tonight. I’m going to buy a cheesecake and a bottle of champagne, in addition to cooking dinner. I got him a pack of Uno cards as a gift, because he said that he could beat me (yeah right). That’s enough for a one month anniversary, right?

Overall, I’ve been feeling pretty good, but just a little…off. I feel like I’m not getting enough sleep, but I go to bed fairly early. I still wake up super groggy. My apt is a mess and my fridge is empty. I need to get organized and get back on track.

Just wanted to stop in and say that all is well. Really well. And I might be giving up this blog soon. Not giving up blogging, just changing the title. Stay tuned!

But enough strolling down memory lane! Or maybe not, since I have to do that to recap my weekend.

On Thursday, the girls and I left for VA. Before we left, I got an e-mail from NYU saying my admissions decision was available. I’ll skip all the details and just tell you straight: I didn’t get in. I was determined not to let it ruin my weekend (though it did ruin my LIFE!) and I can honestly say I had a great time! Brandon and I kind of got into a tiff over an inappropriate conversation I thought he was having with a friend, but we cleared that up fairly quickly. Actually, I realized that I’m a lot more damaged than I thought I was and I have no idea how to fix me. But I don’t want to talk about that just yet.

What I do want to talk about are my life plans. I could really use some advice. Truth is, getting rejected from NYU has really thrown me for a loop, which is crazy because I didn’t even really want to go there to begin with!

I think I’ll continue my points in bullet form, because I can see it getting tres confusing:

–Originally, my plan was to apply to four schools. A small amount to some, but I need to be close to home/work and only a few schools offer my program and part-time at that. So far, I only applied to one school and got rejected. Now I’m reconsidering applying to the rest.

–Yes, I am a bit dejected after the rejection, but I’m thinking, why not hold off on applying until I’m 100% confident in my application? I’d rather wait a few months for a guaranteed “yes” than pay close to $300 just to hear a “no”.

–Maybe I shouldn’t go for the Masters right away and instead, go for a professional certificate. It would really boost my resume and get my foot back in the industry. Only problem is, I’d have to pay for it on my own and we all know I’m sorta, kinda, really broke.

–My plan was to stay at my job until I completed my Masters. Now that I’m putting off school (and I don’t really know for how long), I’m thinking maybe I should look for a new job where I’ll be more happy.

So my options are: (a) apply anyway and see what happens, (b) re-apply 6 mos to one year from now, (c)apply for a professional certificate, (d) just look for another job

Any advice?

I had a GREAT weekend in D.C.! We just chilled mostly, but it was good enough for me. It was great being in college again, even if it wasn’t at my school.

On Friday night, I got a random text from my first love. We made small talk, caught each other up on our lives. After a few messages back and forth, he writes, “So, who’s your boyfriend”? I told him that I didn’t have one and he accused me of lying. I asked him about his girlfriend and he said she was alright. He wouldn’t drop the boyfriend thing, which was a little strange to me, but I didn’t play into it. I fell asleep while texting him and when I woke up, he wrote, “I’ve been think about you a lot lately”.

Gah!

I had a feeling that he was going to drop an emo bomb on me. It didn’t go any deeper than that though. I asked him what he thought about and he said, “good things”. We continued to make small talk and that was that.

Some time after all of that, Brandon and I made it official.

You hear that ladies and gentlemen? I HAVE A BOYFRIEND!

I don’t remember exactly how the conversation started, but he told me that he was working on a letter that said, “Will you go out with me” and including boxes for me to check at the end with the answers yes, no or maybe. I told him that no one wrote letters anymore and that all committments were managed via text. So he texted me.

Oh. *swoon*

My pockets are running DRY after all this traveling! And with Christmas right around the corner, I’m not sure when I’ll be able to recover.

My mother told me to give my dog back to my cousin because I don’t have time for her. I could strangle her (my mother, that is). I’ve only had the dog for one month and the one weekend I go away, translates into me not having time for the dog. In fact, she’s not even talking about the weekend. She’s talking about me going to my boyfriend’s (like how I threw that in there) house after I got back from DC. I left the dog in my niece’s care (and gave her $30) and asked her if she wanted me to take the dog with me. She told me no, so I left. But because the dog wasn’t walked, she had accidents in the house. So in my mothers head, you should have walked her before you left means you don’t have time for her, give her back.

NEGATIVE!

I’m going to pack either tonight or tomorrow for my upcoming trip to Virginia this weekend. I’m super excited! Did I tell you all I bought new shoes? About damn time too!

Ha ha! TTFN!

I had a pretty quiet weekend. I hung out with Brandon on Friday night for what was suposed to be our first date (we’ve gone out before, quite a few times actually, but we’ve never had an official date). He got off of work late, which messed up his plans and we ended up at a bar instead. I was a little upset, not gonna lie. I was wondering if I was worth nothing more than wings and cheap drinks. Here I was giving this guy my best (I even dressed up for the occasion) and he was giving me scraps in return. I think I was mostly upset because the last time we hung out, I paid for dinner (because they weren’t excepting cards at the moment and I had cash. $60!) and here he was dropping $20 on me (it was actually way more than that). After a few drinks, I started to lighten up. I realized how ridiculous I was being. I mean, I like him, I enjoy his company and I LOVE wings. What the fuck was I bitchin’ about? I got over it and enjoyed the rest of the night. We ended up back at his place (no hanky panky lol). We watched a movie that we both kept falling asleep through and then I went home (he protested but I expected a long day on Saturday).

On the way home, I sent him a text asking if he enjoyed our first date. He said it didn’t count and asked me to give him some time to plan something spectacular.

*swoon*

On Saturday, my defensive driving course got canceled. I ended up toting my mother and sister around while they ran errands. Then, I went to a birthday party for a three year old at the Brooklyn Children’s Museum. I had never been there before and even though its designed for young children, I had a really good time. When I got home though, I crashed. I fell asleep during Kanye’s “Runaway” movie (not that I really cared to watch it anyway). When I woke up, I got a text from Brandon asking me to come over. We ordered pizza and sat in front of the TV (that’s actually my idea of a good date). While we were cuddling, I asked what he was doing the next day (Sunday). He said he was picking up his ex girlfriend from the airport. She was staying with him for a week.

*screech* Pump the brakes. What?!

We’re not officially together, I know that, but I still felt some type a way. I guess he could tell that I felt uneasy and he asked what I thought about it. I told him that I had no right to feel any type of way but that it threw me off a little bit. We talked about our feelings and he said (in a nutshell) that he reallly liked me and wanted to commit to me. He hoped that this wouldn’t interrupt anything between us because he liked our pace and where we were headed.

*swoon*

I spent the night with him, considering I won’t be seeing him this weekend (:-(). I left in the morning and that was the end of my weekend.

This week, I’ve actually been working. Staying late, coming in early and all. It’s nice to have something to do for a change and I hope my boss is noticing.

I hadn’t heard from Brandon since I left him on Sunday, so of course my mind was imagining all sorts of crazy things about him and his ex. I decided that I would cool things off with him. Self-preservation, you know?

I was being dramatic, thinking that I wouldn’t hear from him all week. So when I finally did hear from him, it was all the more better:

B: How was your day?

Me: It hasn’t ended yet. I’m still at the office. Alone

B: Awwww, you gonna be there all night?

Me:: I just left because I got scared lol But I brought my laptop home, so I’ll probably be up all night

Me: How was your day?

B: It was good. We went to the statue of liberty & times square. I thought about you all day.

Me: Oh! That’s so sweet! Did you take the day off?

B: Yea, it was a lot of fun.

Me: I can only imagine.. (me being dramatic)

B: Tell Maddie I said hi.

Me: Sure (still being dramatic)

B: I feel like I’m annoying you. : (

Me: No you’re not. Why would you say that?

B: Iono, maybe I’m just paranoid.

Me: Don’t be (me getting over being dramatic)

B: I miss ur face tho.

Me: It is a pretty face, isn’t it?

B: Indeed, but don’t you know it.

Me: I’ll only know it if you tell me!Enough about me. Tell me more about your adventures in the city

B: Went to Battery Park & took the ferry to Liberty Island. After that we went to Times Square, saw some sights & went to Chevy’s for dinner.

Me: Sounds like a good time

B: During dinner I told her about my boo [me] & she said she was really happy for me.

Me: Ugh…I’m blushing lol What did you tell her about me?

B: I told her you were smart & funny & a total hottie….oh yea, & interesting.

Me: There goes that interesting again lol I thought you two might have been rekindling the flame

B: Not at all. There is zero kindle left, its totally platonic.

Me: Oh. Well, that’s very good to know lol

*swoon*

I really, really like this guy. I’d be totally silly to let him go over nothing.

This weekend I’ll be in DC for Howard University’s Homecoming. It’s my second time going and I’m super excited. I went shopping for the occasion. I haven’t goine shopping in…gosh. I don’t even know how long!

I’m gonna have a good time!

Have a good weekend folks!